Battle: L.A. Review -- The 1950's Called, They Want Their Aliens Back

Not a screen shot from the film, but an image of the audience post-viewing it.
Does Aaron Eckhart owe someone a favor? It seems like a movie of Battle: Los Angeles’ caliber would be beneath him at this point. Be that as it may, the universe has saw it fit to put, yet another, alien invasion film in front of the eyes of a society hell bent in watching several depictions of their own self destruction. That and the rights to do a sequel to Independence Day aren’t up yet, so yeah, there’s that.

Battle: Los Angeles satiates our most morbid of fantasies. A foreign race invading our country unexpected and we are forced to fight for -- wait. Oh, the invasion is relegated to two long streets in Los Angeles? But the director is hinting at a wide-scale invasion that spans several countries. No. We’re just gonna stay on the two streets the whole movie? Oh, okay.

 
If you look closely, you'll see an alien-robot suit recycled from movies maid pre-Truman era.
Well surely these nomadic aliens will be humanized and there will be some sort of inner-turmoil introduced to the audience, vis-à-vis Michelle Rodriguez and rapper-slash-singer Ne-yo. No? They are just stock, one-dimensional characters playing the role of soldiers just doing their jobs. Well, at least the aliens look cool right? Oh wait.

As it turns out, the alien concept design seem to be snatched from a 1950’s aesthetic -- found only in movies Mystery Science Theater would make fun of. Actually, that is the one thing I found truly entertaining about Battle: Los Angeles. These aliens were really robots. Or were these robots masquerading as aliens? Maybe both? It’s probably the only question, of minimal depth, I asked myself while trying to keep from dozing off. Luckily the occasional explosion kept my head from falling into my popcorn flavored palms.

Don't worry, Michelle Rodriguez plays Michelle Rodriguez. I know you were worried.
Allow me to make a video game analogy that only partially relates to what we’re discussing here. Jane McGonigal coined the term ‘gamification’. Where we make a non-game application more engaging by making it more game-like. The only thing missing in a movie like Battle: Los Angeles is a checkpoint system [see also: Sucker Punch]. Every cliche term found in rote war films and the video game first-person shooters that ape them -- sorry, that pay homage -- are in this mediocre work.

“I’ve got this letter, give this to my wife.” “You’re going to make it! I never leave a man behind!” “Go on without me. You have to.” Lines we’ve heard before and executed better on more than one occasion. Battle: Los Angeles doesn’t care if this alien invasion doesn’t logically make any sort of story progressing sense. Hell, they don't care if the setting is authentic, the movie was shot in Louisiana!

Take for instance the radio. Eckhart’s only means of communication to the outside world [or other neighboring streets in this case]. As it turns out, radios function as flames and these aliens are the moths. No matter how advance their tech is, these aliens can’t help but zero in on such attractive technology. Guess it never occurred to director Jonathan Liebesman, that a massive alien invasion of this scale may require radio communiques of a similar nature on the ‘bad guy’ side. And why are these incredibly intelligent aliens only smart enough to send one wave attackers down a one-way street?

You know, if you put a couple quotes and bullet points anywhere in this image, it would fit perfect on the back of any video game military shooter.
The one success I could give this film would be the opening scene where Eckhart’s aging character is running on the beach. No words are used and it’s a moderately quiet scene. A group of younger soldiers run past him and salute while he’s gasping for air, while half-heartedly trying to keep up. No other scene in Battle: Los Angeles matched this -- which makes the movie even more of a disappointment, because we’re given a glimpse of something more that will never come to pass.

Several debates have cropped up over the years regarding art. What makes kitsch art and what makes bad art? Battle: Los Angeles is arguably a perfect combination of both. Actually, that should be the only time the word perfect and the film Battle: Los Angeles should ever be shared in the same sentence. This is a bad movie, but the explosions don’t want you to see that this worldwide battle for survival, is only taking place on two streets with uninteresting characters.

I give Battle: Los Angeles …

This fat alien, is sure to invade your heart.

The “Alien Fat Cat Does Not Approve” Award