Mirrors, How Many Ways Do You Suck?

There is nothing I'd like to tell you more when it comes to not seeing this movie. But I can't! You must see Mirrors, not just for the cheap tricks they use to get you to jump [and trust me...if you see this in a theatre with moderately decent sound, you will jump].  What is truly unfortunate is that this heap of visual garbage is one hour and 50 minutes long.  For a suck movie, that's about 30 minutes to long.

Kiefer Sutherland plays the typical 'down and out' estranged husband of a slightly younger wife in Paula Patton.  Let's take this time out to thank Paula Patton.  Up until now Jessica Alba has been one of those mystifying figures in Hollywood where it seemed [at least to me] that the more vapid and untalented she appeared to be on screen, the more likely Alba would be in more movies; and to her credit, more big budget movies. Alba best look out, never before have I seen such a display of reverse-acting and precise talent of dryly reading of lines than I've seen in Mrs. Patton.  You may think she's reading her lines loudly, but what she's really doing is expressing her disgust with how Sutherland's character isn't doing right by their suprisingly annoying son. Kudos Mrs. Patton...you've earned it.

Now for Mirrors, in a nutshell, deep down it is a feel good movie.  The best scene is the opener, in which this poor character has clearly viewed a pre-screening of this awful movie and in dramatic fashion has no choice [he thinks] but to take his own life. You are probably wondering why I didn't put a 'Spoiler Alert' at the start of that last sentence, to that, I say sit down and watch this movie and realize that there was nothing to spoil but your very valuable time.  I stand by that you MUST watch this movie...I mean if not for Paula Patton's astoundingly awesome performance, but for Sutherland playing Sutherland.  Kiefer plays a man who drinks a little too much and takes jobs that no logically thinking lemur would take. The writting is hilarious you will wonder how did you get from that awesome opening throat slashing scene to a super-soldier old hag of a nun that apparently can only be killed by boulders [bullets don't work].

Art Imitating Hell.

I Give This Movie A Dish Of Rotten Eggs.